Battling Bitchiness

I recently went to visit a close friend of mine. It was early in the morning, and I stopped by her house unexpectedly. My friend was still in her lounge pants, her face void of makeup, hair pulled back, glasses on. Somewhere in the room behind her, I heard a child crying, a dog barking, and could see piles of laundry on the living room couch. My friend invited me in, and we chatted for a bit. "I'm in a funk". She confessed. I knew exactly what she meant. I had used the same phrase just weeks earlier when I had confided in her my own bout of seasonal depression. My dear friend went on to vocally analyze the possible cause of her current "funk". She mentioned feeling envious of people around her who seemed to be living out more fulfilling roles of important recognition, while she remained as she put it, "the same bitchy housewife". As I listened, tears of sympathy and gratitude came to my eyes, and I couldn't help but throw my arms around my friend and thank her for saying what few are brave enough to admit. The truth is, my dear friend is anything but a "bitchy housewife". She is a kindred spirit, refined, educated, beautiful, and very gracious, a true friend who I love dearly. That being said, I can certainly relate to what she expressed. Hearing someone I admire so much admit such familiar feelings of resentment and frustration made me feel as though maybe there was hope for me after all. Not that I was pleased to see my friend "in a funk", but seeing her humanity is what makes her real, and her willingness to be real is what makes her all the more endearing to me.

I haven't really made any official "resolutions" this new year. However, thinking over this January, I realize that I have taken some important steps in battling the inner bitch. Not to say that I don't still periodically turn into a basilisk without warning. It's a necessary part of the job, really. How else am I supposed to get my children to school on time every morning without forgetting homework, lunch boxes, shoes, coats and library books? Not to mention after school hours, when there's homework, piano, cub scouts, gymnastics, and dinner to negotiate. I'm not really sure anymore if my children realize that there is a true, warm blooded person buried deep within the monster mom that they encounter during the day. However, I do believe that by taking the following measures on a regular basis, I can improve my mood, and thereby improve the quality of life for my family.

Battle strategy #1: Get a massage
During a "while elephant" gift exchange at Justin's office Christmas party last month, I strategically came to possess a gift certificate for a one hour massage. (Yes, I did feel a little guilty about stealing the coveted item from the only pregnant dental hygienist in the room, but war is war.) I've said for years that the day would come when I'd indulge myself in a weekly deep tissue massage. Well, my friends, that day is today. Since redeeming the coveted Christmas massage gift certificate early this month, I've been back twice already. I went ahead and scheduled appointments every week through February. It's the most wonderfully blissful hour of indulgence I could ask for, and when the session is finished, and I slowly lift myself off the memory foam padded table, I feel like I might never yell at my children again...a feeling that unfortunately, like the massage, doesn't last forever.

Battle strategy #2: Read a book
I joined a book club this month, and finally logged onto Goodreads. So far this January, I've read four...yes FOUR full on novels...which is four times as many as I read the entire year of 2010! I feel smarter already.

Battle strategy #3: Go to the gym
Working out has always been an effective mood enhancer for me. Not only do I get to spend an hour or two getting sweaty, burning calories, listening to music, and hanging out with mom friends, but I get to drop the kids off at the kids' center while I do it. There, they get to socialize, play with toys, watch movies and eat snacks, and I don't have to figure out how to keep them occupied for those two hours of the day. Oh, and afterward I can shower without interruption or fear that I'll run out of hot water. What a great way to start the day!

Battle strategy #4: Mom's night out
This one is trickier than it sounds. After all of that exercising, reading, and laying on a massage table, I'm pretty exhausted, and it's not always easy to drag myself out the door at night after the kids are in bed. Once I do, though, Mom's night out is always such a great pick-me-up! I've been fortunate to fall into a group of really cool and groovy chicks that I love going out with once a month. A mood-enhancing force that I simply cannot do without!

Battle strategy #5: Date night
I'm counting down the days until Brock is old enough to be our weekly date night babysitting slave. Until then, Grandma and Grandpa's house is just across town, and Justin and I are on a roll with two...count them TWO date nights this first month of 2011. We're off to a great start this new year, baby! Let's keep it up!

Battle strategy #6: Temple worship
Even after all my recent efforts to pamper and indulge myself, I still find myself falling into the same old bitchy habits. Justin and I had plans to attend the St. Louis temple on Friday, and it seems that whenever I have a temple trip in the works, (or perhaps when I haven't been in a while) the powers of darkness really combine against me. By Thursday night, I was literally throwing dirty dishes across the kitchen, huffing and puffing and behaving worse than my 3-year-old. It was pathetic, really. Friday morning came, and I dressed in my Sunday best, but even while I tucked my recently renewed temple recommend in my purse, I wasn't feeling in the mood for temple worship. I knew where my feelings of unworthiness came from, but I wasn't yet willing to humble myself enough to shake them away. We dropped the big boys off at school, the preschoolers at Grandma's, and started the drive to St. Louis. There are some definite advantages to living two hours from the nearest temple. Two hours of quiet reflection in a car can help a lot when you're trying to work up a temple-ready attitude. Anyway, long story short, I eventually found myself in the initiatory room of the temple, dressed in white, and looking up at this radiant, smiling, sweet, angelic and genuinely happy temple matron, who spoke to me of heaven and eternity and divine attributes. Listening to her words, and watching her smiling face, I felt inspired. I wanted more than anything to be as cheerful, kind and soft spoken as she was. I wondered what on earth made it so hard for me to be cheerful and kind and happy. What in the world do I have to be so grumpy about? The temple matron made it look so effortless to smile, and be joyful. I felt certain that she had probably never lost her temper, judged or criticized anyone ever in her life. Why would she? Not when she is so completely caught up in the joy of the gospel and the miracle of eternal life. Good grief, I want to be that woman!


So, there you have it. My battle plan for 2011. I hope to come out of this new year a better, less bitchy housewife. And if I don't succeed in 2011, there's always 2012...