A Foreign Exchange

Five weeks ago, we welcomed a foreign exchange student into our home--a 13-year-old boy from Spain.  I sort of got suckered into this whole thing by my brother-in-law, Chris, who was coordinating the program and experiencing last-minute desperation in trying to find host families for the arriving group of foreign teenagers.  Chris hand-selected Jorge, the youngest of the Spaniards, for our family.  Chris showed me photos of Jorge's dark puppy dog eyes and wavy black hair.  There was a hand written letter expressing the young boy's desire to come to The United States, experience the culture and master the language.  As fate would have it, Jorge's mother is even a dentist!  Surely, this boy was meant for our home!  How could I turn him away?!?  Sure, our house is already too crowded with the seven of us packed into three small bedrooms and barely any closet space, but he's probably used to small quarters in Spain, right?  And what's one more rough and tumbly boy in the mix?  We'd hardly even notice him, right?  It's only for five weeks anyway...

The weeks preceding Jorge's arrival were nervous with anticipation.  I ordered two sets of bunk beds and set them up in the downstairs kids' room.  I moved a dresser down from upstairs , and arranged for the four youngest kids to sleep downstairs, reserving the upstairs loft for Brock and Jorge.  I bought matching sheets, blankets and pillows for their room, and had one entire dresser emptied for Jorge's things.  We finally got around to hanging a new ceiling light in the living room, and taking down the Christmas lights that had served as our living room lighting since...well...Christmas.  We hung bathroom cabinets in both bathrooms, hired a housekeeper, and we waited.  I e-mailed Jorge's family, telling them of our excitement, and assuring his mother that we would love him as our own. 

The day Jorge arrived, I rushed to greet him with arms open wide.  His shy, awkward arms stayed stiff by his sides.  With our first greeting, I realized that his English was much less proficient than I had anticipated.  I'm not sure how much he understood, and I found myself quickly adapting my expressions to include only short, slow, and pointed sentences.

Anxious to show him a good time, we packed our days with activity.  We went swimming, fishing, hiking & biking all in the first week.  We took him to our favorite restaurants & ice cream parlors.  We tie-dyed t-shirts.  We introduced him to our extended family visiting from out of town.  We set off fireworks and caught lightning bugs.  There were times when I could see that Jorge was enjoying himself, but between activities, he seemed bored.  He kept asking when we could go shopping.  I kept taking him shopping, but he didn't buy much and never seemed to run out of money.

He wanted me to make pancakes.  Several days in a row, he reminded me that I said I was going to make pancakes.  When I finally got around to making pancakes, I did it grudgingly, because I felt like I had to, not because I wanted to.  I hated feeling like his servant, and I told him so.

Jorge came to church with us the first Sunday, but stayed home the following two Sundays because he thought it was boring and didn't understand most of it.

The Spanish students had weekly field trips planned, but on the second week, our family had plans to go to Nauvoo, so he missed the field trip.  He was obviously disappointed.  While in Nauvoo, he kept asking when we could leave.

Jorge enjoyed being around the other Spanish students most.  I think my young and sometimes noisy family was a bit overwhelming to him.  He is most comfortable around the other Spaniards.  They speak his language.  They are more his age.  They are more fun.  He often preferred to sleep over at a friends' houses and go places with friends, rather than participating in what our family has planned.  It makes perfect sense, really.  I can't really say that I blame him at all.   

I soon realized that Jorge's own purpose in being here wasn't really to learn English or experience life in an American family.  He is a typical teenager, who likes to sleep in every morning and play video games in his spare time.  He wants to speak easily in Spanish with his peers, and use up his dad's money on name brand clothes.  He is a thirteen year old boy, after all.  What did I expect?

By the end of his fourth week, I was ready for Jorge to go home.  It was awkward having someone else's teenager around, and I had a hard time treating him as my own.  I didn't like asking him to help around the house, and I disliked his not helping around the house even more.  I wasn't sure what kind of rules to set for him--what should be his curfew?  How was he going to get home late at night?  Would he come home at all?  What movies should he be allowed to watch?  How much jurisdiction should I exercise over how he spent his time?  I felt like our family routine was off, and like my efforts to entertain and please our guest went unnoticed and unappreciated.  I was tired.

I decided to go fishing in the kayak.  You know when I go outside to fish that it must be pretty bad, right?  So, while I was out enjoying the quiet evening, I got to thinking.  The thought occurred to me that, in a way, I am the foreign exchange student.  I have come to earth from a previous existence in another kingdom and country.  I have come to perfect the language, to experience the culture, and, most of all, to learn.  I am here to build relationships and soak up knowledge.  There are opportunities all around me for learning and growth.   Most learning happens outside of my comfort zone.  Most growth occurs through overcoming difficulty.  Progress comes with getting up early, staying late, and powering through the mundane.  Life will not always be entertaining or fun.  I might not always appreciate the opportunities or experiences that are presented to me.  The landscape and climate might not always be the way that I prefer.  However, the experiences that I am given are rich with potential, if I choose to have the attitude, desire and willingness to look around, find the lesson, and harvest goodness.

How much am I getting out of my foreign exchange on Earth?  Do I celebrate the opportunity to live and love the people that have been placed in my path?  Or would I rather jump at a moment's notice to go play with the ones who are easiest to get along with?  Do I get up early, work and serve, practicing the language of love and compassion?  Or do I readily escape into lazy leisure time, slipping into my native tongue of bossy criticism and self-serving idleness?  Do I give daily thanks for the opportunity and blessings that present themselves?  Do I allow myself to be guided and kept in check by Eternal rules and guidelines?  Do I keep a curfew?  Do I cheerfully help with the chores?  When I finish my visit to this foreign existence, will my suitcase be filled only with designer clothes?  Or will I instead take home a mind filled with knowledge and a heart bursting with love and gratitude for the experiences and blessings that I have had here.

My final week with Jorge was better.  I think we both had a better attitude, and were making a greater effort to learn something from our time together.  I tried harder to see the positive, to appreciate and cherish the opportunity we had to make memories with a visitor from another country & culture.  I appreciate now how our memories tend to cling to the positive, as the negative fades with time.  I want to remember the fun we had with Jorge.  Of all the activities and excitement that we shared together, my favorite moments with Jorge were actually when we worked together.  I taught him to make chocolate chip cookies, and he taught me to make Spanish tortillas.  My affection for him grew with his little acts of service--putting away laundry, sweeping the kitchen floor, peeling peaches for canning, chopping peppers for spaghetti sauce, and loading boxes into a moving trailer.  These moments are a testament to the value of service and the truth that relationships grow as we work together.  That is how I will make the most of my time on earth--by serving and working.  That is how I will return Home from my own foreign exchange fluent in the language of love, and wealthy with the knowledge and joy that comes from embracing all of life's experience.