Kade: "Did our green Mule get burned in the fire?"
Mom: "A little bit."
Kade: "Do we need to buy a new one?"
Mom: "Yes."
Kade: "An awesome one?!?"
Mom: "Yes."
Kade: "Oh! Haha! I LOVE awesome!!!"
"Mom, it's weird to think that by the
time I'm grown up and have kids of my own, you'll be like an expert
homeschooler. Maybe I'll just send my kids to you if I don't like the
school that they're in." -Brock, age 11
"Dear Doctor Johnson, Justin,
I have reason to believe that your son has lost a tooth down the drain.
He has sent me a letter of complaint, stating that you are depriving
him of “the money that is rightfully mine.” He states that after
coughing up the blood, his tooth fell down with it, therefore,
“technically” it was not his fault. The boy believes that since you are a
dentist, you must be in league with me, as if I’m just some sort of co-worker
of yours. I will penalize him for thinking so low of me and that on the
“Belief Chart” he has only 37%. But “depriving” the boy from the money
that is “rightfully” his is just barbaric. I urge you to change your
behavior and act more like a proper father. Please tell Johnson, Brock
that he has my condolences.
Sincerely,
Toot H. Fairy"
Kids played for hours in the snow, riding
around in the Ranger, being pulled on a tube, throwing snowballs,
painting pictures, drinking hot chocolate, etc. Yet, at bedtime, when I
asked Eden what her favorite part of the day was, she answered,
"Reading books with you." Then I asked Kade what his favorite part
of the day was. His response: "Cutting paper".
"Daycare is like going to Grandma's house without the cookies." -Mom
Eden telling Kade why he shouldn't play with Dad's big policeman flashlight: "That's only for if someone breaks in and
tries to steal Dad's kids. He needs it so he can use it as a club or a
flashlight or.... hey Mom, what's a club?"
"I believe in Ironman and fairies." -Kade, age 3
"Austin, do you want me to help you do math?" -Kade, age 3
Brought home an oboe, a trumpet and a clarinet for the big boys
to learn to play. They don't know how to play their first note, but
Kade already has a request: "Play the Radioactive song!"
Brock, Eden & Kade were playing "Truth or Dare Jenga". Kade pulled the block that says, "Describe your first kiss".
So he leaned over and kissed Brock on the cheek.
"Dad, remember that time I was crying and you said, 'Stop crying or I'll punch you in the face with my truck!'? That was funny." -Kade, age 3
"I had a dream that I was in my underwear and we were going at Crossfit and I forgot to put on my pants." -Kade, age 3
"Mom! Come look at the miracle!" Eden, discovering the first flowers in spring
"I bear my testimony that I know this is true. That I know Jesus loves me." -Eden, age 6
Kade: "Who were you talking to on the phone?"
Mom: "The midwife."
Kade: "Your wife!!?!"
Mom: "My MID-wife."
Kade: "What?!? You're not a boy!!!"
Eden: "Brandon sold me his toy owl for only five dollars!"
Me: "I think you paid too much. That owl isn't worth five dollars.
Eden: "How much do you think it's worth?
Me: "Maybe twenty-five cents."
Eden: "But I want to keep my quarter so I can buy a gumball!"
"I don't know if we have the right supplies, and I don't know if I
can do it, but can we at least TRY to make a pink treehouse?" -Eden, age 6
"Mom, tomorrow when we clean the house, can we make a music video?" -Brock, age 12
After seeing pictures on Facebook of his older brother having awesome adventures in
Moab without him, Austin said, "Hey Mom, take a picture of me so
that it looks like I'm having fun!"
Eden and Mom standing next to each other in the bathroom brushing their teeth:
Eden (mouth full of toothpaste): "How do you do that?"
Mom (also full of toothpaste): "How do I do what?"
Eden: "How do you not get toothpaste all over your face?"
Mom: "Practice."
Mom: "Kade, you are a very special gift from Heavenly Father. I'm so glad He sent you to me."
Kade: "Mom, my feet are uncovered."
"Mom, can I open the mail and put it in the trash for you?" -Kade, age 3
Eden: "I want to quit CrossFit."
Mom: "Are you willing to quit eating Grandma's yummy cakes and cookies?"
Eden: "No."
Mom: "Well, you can't quit exercising unless you're willing to quit eating junk food."
Eden (extremely offended): "Mom! Don't call Grandma's hard work 'junk'!!!" (walks out and slams the door)
"When I have my birthday, I'm going to turn four, and then I'll have my driving license, and I won't need any help, and I'll be a dad!" -Kade, the day before his 4th birthday
"Mom, three year olds love to have their sandwiches cut in triangles, but four-year-olds don't." -Kade, on his fourth birthday
"I'm having a good day because my tummy is really full!" -Kade, age 4
"I'm just trying to make you feel good about yourself even though we like Dad better than you." -Eden, age 6
Kade: Moooom, my tummmy hurrrtsss.
Mom: Do you need to poop?
Kade: Noooo.
Mom: Are you hungry?
Kade: Nooo. An Oreo would help. I neeed an Oreeeooo. Are there any Orrreeeos on top of the fridge?
Trying to explain to Eden about clashing colors and why she should not wear her pink shoes with her red dress. Her response: "But there is red on my pink cheetah toy and it doesn't look bad!"
Kade: "I don't even want to be married."
Mom: "Why not?"
Kade: "Because kissing is a lot of gross."
Listening to Brock and a friend discuss national debt, China's imminent takeover of the U.S., the possibility of making a fortune by playing video games on YouTube, and plans for opening a chocolate covered bacon factory.
"Hey kids! Time to get out of the lake and dry off so we can go to the pool!" -Mom
Flashback Friday: When Brock was very young, he asked me to make him a "King Kong sandwich" for lunch. I could not figure out what he was talking about. Finally, after much discussion and tears and frustration, I figured out that what he meant was a "gorilla cheese sandwich". AKA "grilled cheese". Forever after, I cannot make a grilled cheese sandwich without thinking of King Kong.
"Brush. And you need to get some of these." -Dad, talking in his sleep.
"I set up a shop to sell toys that I don't want anymore. Now I want someone to come over and buy them." Eden, age 6
"Fireworks sing me to wake." -Kade, age 4
"One of my primary kids told me that it wasn't appropriate to wear flip flops to church. I agreed. Then I kicked off the flip flops that I was wearing and went through the rest of church barefoot." -Mom
Mom mentioned that she was going to be touring the new food pantry in town tonight. Later, Brandon asked, "What time are you going on the cupboard tour?"
Kade: "Mom, when do we go see Santa at Bass Pro Shops?"
Mom: "At Christmas time. After the baby is born."
Kade: "Why does the baby want to see Santa?"
Eden: "Mom, I'm giving you a test. I want to see if there's some kid left in you," as she hands over a coloring page and some markers.
Setting up for the daddy daughter dance at the church, Kade says, "Mom, I really want to go to the mommy sonny dance."
Brock: "Are those crappy cookies or Grandma cookies?"
Mom: "Crappy cookies."
Eden: "I want a crappy cookie!"
Waiting for the Shanghai Circus to start, Austin asks, "So, all these performers are in high school?" (Shang High)
"Oh Mom, that baby needs cookies." -Eden, talking about the baby in Mom's pregnant belly (unborn Lars)
"When I grow up, I want to be a doctor....Actually, when I grow up, I want to be a Jedi." -Kade, age 4
"Mom, do you know where a ladder is? We're washing the car." -Kade, age 4
Austin: "That's so dumb! What if it's the Fourth of July? Girls would be afraid to light fireworks, but a boy would line the walls with fireworks!
Brock: "Yeah. Maybe that's why they don't want boys to babysit."
Eden: "Mom, can I have a Popsicle AND watermelon?!?"
Mom: "Yep."
Eden: "Oh Mom! This is the best day of my life!"
Brandon (to pregnant Mom): "Your belly is huge!"
Mom: "Rude!"
Kade (singing): "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer!"
"Brandon, I was just flipping through the 'Rules of the Room Notebook' and it does say that we can make exceptions..." -Brock, age 12
Mom: "Kade, how did you get that big bump on your forehead?"
Kade: "Remember? I fell off the car?"
Mom: "Um, no. I don't remember. Let's not climb on the car anymore, okay?"
"Mom! The pond is forty feet three high! Because of the rain! It's going to flood the whole world maybe!" -Kade, age 4
"Mom, you need to make dinner just like this, but make it taste like cake." -Kade, age 4
Eden: "Mom, why do you need that fabric?"
Me: "I don't. I'm going to see if Aunt Allison wants it."
Eden: "Ya. She probably needs it. Because you don't really do sewing. And Aunt Allison is like the queen of sewing."
Kade- "Dad, look! I made Halloween decorations!"
Dad- "What is it?"
Kade- "It's just construction paper."
Dad- "What's it supposed to be?"
Kade- "A pumpkin, but I don't know how to make a pumpkin."
Practicing the lost art of letter writing. I explained to my kids that this is an important skill because someday they will move away and I will expect them to write home every week. Brock's reply: "Why can't we just email?"
Austin:"I'm going to take a picture of Leo (the cat) while he's still alive."
Me: "What? You think he's going to die?"
Austin (shrugs): "Maybe."
(Leo disappeared less than 6 months later. Not a great track record with animals around here.)
"If a pterodactyl would swallow me and not chew me, that would be like I'm sitting in a seat in an airplane." -Kade, age 4
"I'm going on a diet. I'm not wearing pink anymore." -Eden, age 7
Me: "Brock, you've got crazy hair. You might want to do something about it before we go to this social function where you might see some of your peers."
Brock: "Crazy hair is awesome! Maybe it'll become the new cool thing!"
Me: "I'm going on self-imposed bed rest today."
Brock: "Yay!"
Me: "That means you have to do everything for me today."
Brock: "Oh. I thought it meant that we all get to stay in bed."
"I had a nightmare that there were a ton of dirty dishes piled all over the counters and it was my day to do dishes." -Austin, age 10
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