"I Don't Belong Here"

I have a six-year-old who occasionally runs away from home. He's done it probably half a dozen times, and I'm starting to wonder if my tactics for teaching him not to do it are failing. Every time he starts to leave, I tell him that it's not a good idea, and how I wish he would stay. I warn him about the dangers of being out on his own, how he'll get hungry and cold and lonely and lost, maybe kidnapped or hurt. None of this seems to deter him much.

Last night, just before dark, I told Brock he needed to practice his piano before he could play a game on the computer. He stomped up the stairs in a huff, put on his winter coat and summer sandals, grabbed and apple for the road and declared in a somber tone, "I don't belong here". Then he walked out the door.

Some of the thoughts that ran through my mind were:

"What a drama king."
"I'm definitely tossing the movie, 'Robots' out of our movie collection."
"What do I do now?"
"Should I give in to his manipulative tactics and go after him, begging for his forgiveness and promising him as much computer game time as he wants?"
"Do I wait until he gets cold and hungry and let him come back on his own?"
"Do I bundle up my three other kids and try to follow him secretly, watching from the shadows to make sure he's safe?"

I waited a little while, hoping his exposed sandal-clad toes would get cold and he'd want to come back in. Austin and Brandon were immediately concerned. Austin put on his coat and shoes and went to the kitchen to try and sneak some food for Brock to eat. Brandon broke down in tears, worried for the welfare of his only favorite big brother. I tried to console him, assuring him that Brock is a smart boy, and that he would come home when he got cold and hungry. I hoped it was true. I mean, he's done this before, and he's never gone farther than the back yard, but what if he really gets brave this time?

A memory crossed my mind of when I was just about Brock's age and was angry about having to ride to church with my big sister. I WALKED ALL THE WAY to church in Barstow, California to find my parents, who had gone early for choir practice....it was a long way, and I crossed two big, busy streets (at the crosswalk of course) with only my favorite Barbie to keep me company. Brock definitely has his mother's stubbornness and independence. I quickly got online to see if I could find some parental advice for this kind of situation. Nothing truly useful popped up. I decided that since it was getting dark, I'd better go out and look for the kid.

I bundled Eden up in her snowsuit and boots. The twins already had their warm clothes on and had gone outside to try and persuade Brock to come in. I asked them to take me to where he was hiding. They took me to the back of the house, where they had seen him last. Brock was not there anymore. I scanned the forest behind the house. No sign of him. I brought the kids back inside and wondered if I should call a neighbor to sit with them while I go back out and look some more. Then I noticed Brock's coat on the entryway floor. Hadn't he been wearing it when he left? Is he hiding in the house somewhere? I started looking in closets, bedrooms, under beds. Finally, I stood at the top of the stairs and yelled, "BROCK! ARE YOU HERE? I NEED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD GO LOOKING FOR YOU!" A faint reply came from Eden's room. "Yes, I'm here". I left him alone and went back to fixing dinner.

Relieved that he was safe, I began pondering about what I should do to make sure this doesn't happen again. Apparently, my lectures and punishments after previous "run-aways" hadn't worked, so what should I do differently this time? I began to wonder if I really am too controlling of my children. Do I need to be nicer to Brock so that he won't want to run away anymore? Or do I need to create a harsher punishment, causing him to fear running away so much that he wouldn't dream of doing it again? Would that just add to his misery and make him want to really leave home forever? Ugh. Parenthood is so hard. And Brock's only six! What will it be like when he's sixteen?