Live and Learn

It's been a week since my family returned from our seven day Disney cruise through the Caribbean. It's taken us at least that long to recover and settle back into "real life". We sailed with my oldest sister Bev, her husband and six kids, my parents and Justin's parents. It was quite the trip, definitely memorable, and like all things in life, we came away with a few lessons learned:

Lesson #1: When booking your Disney cruise, and the lady on the phone tells you that she'll "hold your reservation" for 24 hrs. so you can check with your prenatal doctor about the cruise dates, there's a slight chance that when you call back the next day, your reservation will in fact be canceled, all of the same category cabins will be full, and you will be forced to upgrade to an insignificantly larger, yet significantly more expensive cabin for the cruise. Hopefully you will be taking advantage if the "kids sail free" promotion, so you'll still come out ahead.

Lesson #2: Unlike airlines, who allow you to fly clear up until your final trimester, cruise lines won't let you on a ship if you have entered your 24th week of pregnancy. Luckily, I was 23 weeks and 5 days on debarkation day, so they allowed me to board.

Lesson #3: When you arrive on board the ship, and find that you have been assigned to the 8:15 p.m. dinner time, go immediately to guest services and request the earlier mealtime. Otherwise you will spend the entire week with overtired, ornery, children falling asleep at the dinner table, complaining that the food is taking too long, at claiming that the restaurant smells weird every night.

Lesson #4: Ornery, overtired, grumpy children combined with an ornery, overtired, pregnant mom makes late night dinners miserable for everyone.

Lesson #5: Kids don't care one bit about fancy dinners or nightly live entertainment. They'd much rather spend the entire week swimming, eating hot dogs on the deck, and watching cartoons in the cabin.

Lesson #6: Vacationing with young children, even on a Caribbean cruise, is NOT restful or relaxing. You still have to dress, bathe, feed and pick up after your children, tell them repeatedly to stop running and yelling through the hallways, and use bribery and threats to get them out if the pool when it's 40 degrees outside, windy, and starting to rain.

Lesson #7: When the Disney princesses gather for a photo op in the lobby, plan on waiting for at least 45 minutes in a very long line only to have your 2-year-old cry and cling to your legs, refusing to go anywhere near the characters in costume.

Lesson #8: Kids do not care about shopping in port. Don't even try haggling over Mexican souvenirs with four minors in tow. You're better off just heading straight for the beach.

Lesson #9: While you might think that the dead of winter is the perfect time to get away on a tropical vacation, be aware that even the Caribbean gets cold, windy and rainy in the winter. You might spend an entire day at port in Key West watching movies on board the ship because it's too blasted cold to venture outside. You will definitely wish you had brought a wet suit to go snorkeling in Cozumel or Castaway Cay, and you won't even think about going near the water in Grand Cayman...though your children won't seem to notice or care that they're freezing until it's time to get out and dry off. Then they'll be miserable, cold, sandy, and of course starving...only you'll be too cheap to buy food from the beach vendors and will force everyone to wait until you get back to the all-you-can-eat hot dogs on the deck of the cruise ship...oh, and the pool on board is heated, so the kids can just jump back in the water when you get there.

Lesson #10: Maid service is fantastic. What's not so fantastic is when your maid spends the entire week hovering around outside your cabin door, striking up conversation and shamelessly kissing up to you every time you venture out into the hallway, just so you'll be sure and give her a good tip at the end of the cruise.

Lesson #11: You might find your husband developing ulcers on the final days of the cruise when he receives several tip envelopes with "suggested tip" amounts adding up to nearly $1,000 extra for your week of "magic". That's some pretty pricey towelgami, if you ask me!!!

Lesson #12: 7 days is too long for a cruise with kids. Try a 4 day cruise, or better yet, just stay in a cheap hotel by the beach, swim in the pool, stock up on hot dogs, and turn on the Disney Channel. Then leave the kids home with grandma and go on a real "quality time" cruise with your spouse.

If you still want to take a Disney cruise with the family, here are some of the photos you can bring home to convince people that it really was the ultimate family vacation: